Ayahuasca Shamanic Journey Part2: A Life Unveiled

RECAP - Bringing it all Together

by James Khan

It's now the 8th of May, 2007. about 8 months after the events described in great detail in Part1. I am living in Montreux, Switzerland, a small town on lake Geneva where many people seem to go at the end of their lives.

For example, Charlie Chaplin, one of my heroes, lived in this area during the final years of his life.

I decided yesterday to edit some parts, fix some typos and make the following additional comments:

 

What Was it All About? Any Clues?

I asked what I have called 'lady Ayahuasca', why she was doing all this? She said that she didn't know.

If she didn't know, then who did?

Who was pulling the strings, who was running the show?

Looking back, being tricked with the change from the ticket guys at the metro station intrigued me.

Why did I focus so much effort on ensuring that the change was right?

It was because I saw one ticket guy massage the shoulder of the other. I'm a therapist, and that is normal for me, but at work, in consensus reality people don't do that. I wanted to ensure that I was in a station that was 'real' in consensus reality, not only in my mind or Ayahuasca induced reality.

Why did it (Ayahuasca or an aspect of my own mind) do that - why did it give me the wrong answer?

Yes, it was a bit embarrassing when I returned and remembered, but that couldn't be the answer to the question: Why?

The thing about numbers is that like computers, numbers will tell you if something is true or not, which is not possible with any other logical or cognitive process.

There is no right or wrong, it depends on the perspective, depends on the 'thinking' involved. Any view, opinion or belief that you may have could be true or not depending on how you think about it.

For example, at the simplest level, supposing a person says that: "I'm a Liar". Is this a true or false? If the person is indeed a Liar, then the statement would be true. But, if that were the case, then he would have told the truth - i.e., the statement is false as it stands. It is not possible to establish if it is correct or not by any logical means.

This applies to all aspects of life. Right and wrong are not easy to see.

Is the devil good or bad? From the surface, you might say he's bad, should not be allowed to exist. But if you examine the mater from another perspective, if there is indeed a 'devil' then you would see that the devil is very necessary, that is he is actually good for being 'bad'!

 

Why?

By making me arrive at the wrong answer, the string-puller, the writer of this 'play' wanted to tell me something. It knew that I would come back, see the ticket collectors and remember. More importantly, it knew that I would get the message.

The 'wrong change' episode was a MARKER, a memorable event that linked the three worlds - the inner world where there is no time, my personal mental world, and the external, consensus reality world that we all would see.

The marker, the internal mental processes and the external event, were intended for my education. It was to teach me a lesson!!!!

I remember the event clearly - I was watching like a hawk every thought that came to me, my life depended on it. I was thinking that I was stupid to be here, I should be elsewhere, having mystic experiences. I was thinking that I should hurry up, can't stand here. I continued to breath and focus, after great difficult I had seen my hand, and the money - but I could not focus to work out what the change should be.

I then had a frustrated thought that said: "OK, 100 less 15 is 75"

Why didn't I examine this thought?

I just accepted that 100 less 15 was 75 - I remember observing the thought, as all the other thoughts, but I accepted that one. Why?

It seemed as if something inside me knew that I would return here, and remember.

But how could it know that I would return, when I didn't know?

It seemed as if I had played along, I had deliberately not examined that thought. I accepted as true something that I knew was not true - for the purpose of my own education.

If someone knew when I didn't, who could know?

 

There is a Sufi saying

I Know and My God Knows

At what stage was this known?

In my mind I went back to the start, when I had 'heard' the paper cup drop, then I had received what seemed like an almost fatal head blow.

I was compelled to do as I did - there was no other choice for someone with my training, my attitude, my background and my beliefs. Someone knew that I would do that, it knew that I would not just lie down.

The entire Ayahuasca Journey had been staged. The paper cup drop was a warning of what was to come - it prepared me. Prepared me for the 'head blow', prepared me for the episode when all hell broke lose and the 'Enlightened' episode and the rest. Throught the journey I had premonitions that also prepeared me for what was to come.

Something or someone knew that I would prevail against all the mental onslaughts, I had been well trained since birth, and possibly beyond.

All that I experienced and wrote about had to be - it was a forgone conclusion. Like a play, the start, the events, the players all are known before hand - but to appreciate and enjoy the play, you need to forget.

Like a football match - if you know the result, there is no point, no pleasure in watching or playing the game. The pleasure comes from not knowing the outcome.

 

Marks - The Scar on The Left Cheek

I thought back to the time when I saw my shadow reflection, particularly the scar on my left cheek.

Normally I don't like looking at my reflection in mirrors, never mind reflections in glass panels. I know that the guy in the mirror is not me! When I look at a mirror, the scar appears on the right cheek of the guy in the mirror. That image though was as if I was looking at myself directly - I was not aware of the significance of the location of the scar at the time.

Days later, when I looked in the mirror and noted the scar on the guys right cheek - it confirmed my suspicion that it was not a mirror reflection that the mind had projected, but somehow a view of my body as another observer would see it.

Without the scar, I would never have known this I would never have even thought about it.

Why was that scar there, and why on this particular location?

How did I get this scar?

Was the scar 'placed' on my left cheek there just so that I could realize this and go back in my mind to my childhood?

Was it a marker placed on my face for my education?

I have many scars on my face, mostly from fights, but this scar was from childhood. I was around 2 or 3 years old in Kashmir, and this is one of my earliest memories. I had gone down to our barn where we kept the animals.

It was dark down there, and I had a piece of wood that I had lit probably from the stove fire. As I walked in the chickens had run inside, as did one of the Cockerels. As I stood by the door, the Cockerel was frightened as I had cornered it, unintentionally.

The brave Cockerel jumped on my face, knocking me back, flat on the floor as it went out of the door behind me. His claws had marked my face in many places, but they had all disappeared over time, this one alone had remained.

What made that Cockerel jump like that?

What made me go down there in the first place?

When I was given a British Passport many years later, it said 'Scar on Left Cheek'. as an Identifying MARK - they don't do that on the new passports any more, but as I traveled a lot, it was a reminder.

I wondered, if the world is a stage as Shakespeare said, then when does the play start and when does it end?

Who is the audience, who are the actors and who is the director?

If you took away linear time, and could perceive all things now, would not all experiences happen at the same time?

Was that mark on my cheek a mark that would make me remember?

Was it like the mark that I wanted to make at that table in that Juice bar, which I determined to remember?

I was able to use the mark to verify that it was a real bar that I went into - that mark was a kind of connection between verifiable consensus reality and inner mental or dream levels.

So was the conversation I had with the hotel receptionist. So was the telephone call I made to my boss, Al.

If so, then at the time of my birth something knew then that I would make this Ayahuasca Journey, that I would be making this confrontation.

Only via this birth mark do I know for certain that it was not a reflection that I saw, without it I would not be making this realization, neither would I be talking about my childhood.

The mark was like a symbol, it pointed to something that only I would know, only I would be aware of.

I started to look again at my childhood, family history and genetic past.

It is said that there are no accidents and that all things are connected.

There is a Sufi saying that:

On each grain and seed is written the name of the person that will eat it

There is a similar Buddhist belief that:

Cause and the Effect both happen at the same time

The Lotus seed IS the lotus flower

 

The Journey of "The Lotus", which is considered the essence of Buddhism and Chinese Culture, is, at an inner level, known before it even begins.

When does the human play begin?

What is the human Journey, what is the purpose of the human journey?

Where will it end?

Are there are other markers, markers that like a trail could lead us the way home?

Where did my Journey begin?

 

My Childhood and Family History

I noted how all the events in my life, all that I experienced and learned, and my natural aptitudes played a very necessary, an essential part in this journey. It was as if all the ingredients were necessary, and a masters hand shaped and guided all the events in my life.

As a five year old, I was fascinated with Sufi adventure stories in Urdu, and I read all the books I could find. Then, around 8-9, I started to read Yogic texts, I was particularly fascinated by the Kundalini - seemed as if I knew about it from before as I read the books.

The texts said that when the Yogi has raised his Kundalini he is no longer subject to the rules of the world - he can walk on water, fly and do other magical things. I took it as my mission in life to perfect my life and raise the Kundalini. I read with fascination the accounts of Gopi Krishna, a Kashmiri Yogi, who wrote in detail about his own kundalini experience, and how he almost went over the edge into total madness. I resolved that this would not happen to me. By 14 onwards I had developed the discipline of daily Yogic and Tibetan meditations.

I had trained in martial arts and boxing, at which I excelled - all essential for focusing attention on the present moment and the body. The same for my other training's including body work such as Shiatsu, Massage, Dance - and the friends that I made along the way.

I could not have made this journey without this training, the persons that helped me, and my natural aptitude, interest and inclination for such things.

Where does natural aptitude come from?

I went back to around the time of my birth - I remember people were talking, saying that "the Sufi sahibs son has no milk to drink and is given black tea". We had several animals that had died from mysterious causes around the time of my birth - cows and buffaloes that fell over cliffs, goats that were bitten by snakes, and other strange deaths. As a result there was no milk for me, which was a bit of a family disgrace. A family that had been very wealthy for countless generations had sunk to the depths of poverty.

There is a belief that when you live with animals, a bond forms, and the animals feel a part of the family. The belief is that animals are often privy to events that take place at inner levels that we are not, and sometimes sacrifice themselves so that another can live.

Was the calamity that befell all our animals, intended for me and did they die in my place so that I could live?

Kashmiri people are very close to their animals - in the recent earthquakes there were many many people that refused to be rescued as the rescuers refused to take the animals with them.

Consider, for example, the Tsunami - people from the world over were killed, but not a single animal died. The animals have not lost their connection to divinity, they were aware, had a knowing of what was to be and decided to go inland, away from the floods.

In Kashmir, as in any traditional, tribal areas, prestige and prosperity is dependent on the family history, the amount of land you own and the number of animals. Mine is an old, old family - even at the time of my grand-fathers grand-father, the great Gamu Khan, it was possibly amongst the most powerful families amongst our people.

The families prosperity had declined over the generations, but they still considered themselves Royalty! When my grand mother had come to 'our' home, she was amazed by the over 200 hundred buffaloes, and countless goats, cows, and other animals and workers/servants that her husbands family had - certainly no shortage of milk, enough food to feed a small army probably.

So how comes there was no milk for me?

How did we end up there on the top of that mountain, away from everyone else in the first place?

All things are connected, one event leads to another then to another .

Where does this drama begin?

 

The Army and the First World War

My paternal and maternal grand fathers held some personal grudges, rivalries and were not on friendly terms. Before the first world war they had enlisted into what was then the British Indian Army. Though Kashmir was outside of the British Empire, they had managed to get enlisted.

There is a story that my paternal grandfather joined the army because he had taken a girl against her fathers wishes. She a very beautiful girl who was much loved by her father, and grandfather had refused to allow him to see her. She had two children and died early. Grandfather felt that it was his refusal to let father see her that had led to God taking her away from him. He joined the army to get away from his sadness and guilt.

My paternal grand father excelled in the army, and when he retired held a high rank. Maternal one didn't do so well - but both were well rewarded for their efforts by the British authorities. They were given land in India. When my father joined the British Indian army before the Second World War, he used that land to by pass the ban on Kashmiri's. It was this that would later lead to his emigrating to the UK.

 

Gallipoli and Starvation

During the First World War both my grandparents ended up as prisoners of war in Turkey. They had fought the Turks in the barracks/trenches for over 6 months, there was no food, no provisions, they lived on grass and whatever else they could find.

Here in the harsh conditions, both men almost died from starvation alone, but they did not lay down their arms. They stuck to their guns, such was the discipline in the British Army. My maternal grandfather recalled that when he came to, as if back from death, and held the other hand and on semi recognizing said 'Musahib, is it you?'.

In the near death circumstances the two men formed a bond, and made a sacred vow of friendship. This vow they maintained till their deaths, and was many years later cemented by the marriage of their eldest son and daughter - my mother and father.

 

Turkish Prisoners of War

Eventually, the British Army at Gallipoli were told to lay down their arms and surrender to the Turks, and became prisoners of war.

Though they had been bitter enemies, the Turks treated them well.

The two men, and others from our community that returned, told stories about how well the Turks had treated them. The Turks had revived them, brought them back from the dead, fed them and even gave them presents.

There is a much history that connects Turkey to India, it was the Turks that took Islam to India, and there are bonds in Indians and Turks that seemed to transcend the fact that they were fighting on opposite sides.

 

Returning Home: Epidemic and Death

On returning to Kashmir, both men found that their parents, and almost all the family had died. There were deaths all over Kashmir. The weather had turned and nothing grew and there was no food to eat.

Along with the famine, a strange epidemic had spread, killing everyone in sight.

The returning soldiers were in tears, and wondered why they had returned - there was no one to return to. Grandfather recalled that the Turks had offered them a home, and he felt that he would have stayed if he knew that there would be no one to return to.

 

World War II, the Marriage and the Painful Partition of India

My parents were married when the grandparents felt that they were ready.

My father had joined the British Army before the second world war, using the land in India that the British awarded to grandfather as his place of birth - to get round the ban on Kashmiri's. His time in the army disciplined him for life, and he later instilled that discipline on his younger brothers and children.

After the Second World War, there was the painful partition of India. Kashmir was embroiled in it, particularly as Nehru, India's first Prime Minister, was from a Kashmiri Brahmin family.

The events are disputed, but the Brahmins who we lived with and loved, were forced to leave their homes. There were tears on both sides at the parting of friends. My uncles maintained contact with their childhood friends, writing letters after letters. Now though, almost no one remembers as the elders have mostly died.

My paternal grand father died in 1952, and my father took on the family responsibilities. After a few years he decided to divide the property amongst his cousins who he lived with. He also had to decide where his four young brothers and five sisters would live, who they would marry and where his own children would live. We had vast ancestral lands, each with its own history.

 

The Girl, the Fire and the My Birthplace

One piece of land, a particularly beautiful piece, with extraordinary views, was land given to us in exchange for a girl that had run away after setting one of our houses on fire!

We don't know of it was accidental or on purpose, but over 20 goats were killed, and many buffaloes too.

This girl had been married off to someone she didn't fancy, a great uncle of mine on my mothers side. She was not well treated by the two old women that lived there (kind of great, great grandmas), who had plenty of wealth, but treated her badly - old women of several centuries ago had very strange attitudes towards women that married into their families. My grandmother had a tough time, as did her several daughters in law including my mother. It seemed to be the done thing.

I remember a story of her one day seeing the guy that she liked by the water fall, no doubt sparks flew, and he took her home!

There was quite a bit of commotion in the weeks that followed.

The girl used the expression, 'he didn't have a beard', for why she wouldn't return to her husband, politely meaning that he was not virile!

To avert a family feud, the elders had decided that the girls family would need to give to the other family something of equal value as compensation for the girl, and the damage that she did. It was decided that it would be land. This was how we came to own land almost at the other end of the mountains from our ancestral home, in the middle of the jungle!

That land, called Kherutha, lay in our ownership, but uninhabited as it was so far away.

 

My Birth Place

When my father was deciding where his extended family would all be living many decades later, it was decided that we would go to Kherutha - as the land had a connection on my mothers side.

So it was decided that my parents, brothers and sisters would make the journey up to the top of this mountain. It was a long trek, this Kherutha place had huge amounts of snow - but Kashmiris are a very hardy, self-sufficient people.

My father built a home there, and my brother and I were born there a few years later.

It somehow seems to me that the whole episode was so that I could be born at that particular place. The place was one of the most beautiful parts of a very beautiful land. My earliest memories are of pine trees, snow and brothers and especially sisters that loved and carried me everywhere.

When I looked back, somehow it was meant to be, it was a very necessary stage of the drama, a very necessary stage in my inner development.

There I felt connected to the sheer beauty of the land and my family. They were very harsh times for my family, but I would tell them that "Don't worry. I am here now, so all will be well"

Strange thing for a child to say, but they took comfort from it, somehow sensed that the child would go far.

 

Says Kabir, Listen Brother Sadhu

(Kahe Kabir, Suno Bahi Sadhu)

During the first few years of my birth, my family were visited by a Sadhu - a follower probably of Kabir. Sadu's, Brahmins and other holy men came to our homes regularly, and in particular to my maternal grand fathers home, as he had a reputation for never allowing a traveler or Sadhu to leave his home unfed.

But this Sadhu was very different, and left a very vivid memory even now for my mum. You never knew if a Sadhu is Hindu, Moslem or Sufi at the best of times, but how had he gone to the middle of nowhere? He seemed to know us well, told my mum that it's a journey, that she had everything and lost everything, but it's only a start.

The Sadhu told her her life story in Hindi/Sanskrit Verse!

Who would have thought that we would from the jungles where we didn't even have shoes, end up in the modern, western world?

In the weeks that followed my taking Ayahuasca, I was doing a Google search and came across a recording of a song by Kabir. It is a Hindi song. It is difficult for me to give you a taste of it in English, but the song had so much meaning for me, that it brought me to tears. I had now fully recovered my strength and hormonal balance - but Kabir brought me to tears. I set the player on repeat, and replayed the song time and time again, continuously for days and days. The song was meant just for me, only I could understand it because I had experienced it. The same for many, many of Kabir's songs.

The song was called Muko - which is Hindi slang for me. It says, inadequately translated I'm afraid,

Where do you search for me bandhe, I am with you

I used the hindi word 'bandhe' as there is no english equivalent. It refers to man, but is often used as 'Bandhe Khuda Deh', where Khudha is a Hindi term for God, it derives from the word 'Khud' meaning Self or sometimes Ego. So bande refers to man as the handiwork of God.

It then describes the paths that seekers have walked - Fasting, Cleansing, Prayers, Mantras, Kriya, Yoga, Breath, Chi, Pilgrimage, Kaaba, and more and says that I am not in them, I never was, I don't live there, I am with you.

It does so in very ordinary, down to earth slang Hindi almost.

Kabir is unknown outside of certain parts of India, but Kabir was actually responsible for the growth of the Hindi Language. Kabir would be like the Shakespeare of Hindi/Urdu. Kabir disliked Sanskrit, considering it an elitist language, though he knew it well, the language in which all of India's spiritual teachings were written. Kabir considered Sanskrit a dead language, but Hindi (or Urdu) as the language of the people.

I wanted to embed Kabir's verses deeply into every cell of my being, never ever to forget no matter what happened.

For I had almost lost everything - the connection to divinity that I have always felt.

 

Biblical Stories

But the story didn't start with our house on the Mountain or with Kabir, it goes further back.

As I mentioned, both sides of the families that were in dispute over the girl were related, they had the same ancestors because our community are somehow all related. Family history is very important to eastern people, and they keep a rigid track of it on the fathers side, the mothers side seems to get ignored.

The Sudozehi community consider themselves somehow related to the tribes of Israel, they believe that one of the sons of Jacob went that way. This seems far fetched, but they are adamant that this is so.

I suspect that it is the other way round, that the biblical prophets had their racial origin in the Himalayas.

Kashmir does seem to have a connection with the biblical Prophets, and some even consider it to be the resting place of Moses and Jesus.

At one time it was Kashmir considered Paradise on Earth, which seems to be biblical, rather then Vedic reference.

When I was a child my mum would read me stories about Abraham, his two sons, Jacob and his sons, and in particular the story of Joseph. She also used to sing songs, similar to hymns, and her father had a library of books going to very old times, almost like a family history.

Why would a hardy people, living in a harsh environment where there is no time except for the essentials of day to day life, maintain such stories unless there was a relationship? Why would muslims stubbornly keep passing on the Israeli traditions unless there was a connection?

When I went to Mecca I felt at home. This tradition of pilgrimage was started by Abraham to honor the nameless supreme being, El-Lah as Abraham referred to Him. The tradition of Pilgrimage was re-established by the Prophet Mohammad, but it is a pity that non-moslems are now barred from it.

I wondered how the biblical prophets came to the insights that they did. Could they have consumed hallucinogenic plants or substances?

Does the story go even further back? Where did it start?

If it does, it will need to go all the way back to "Old man, Adam" as they call the biblical Adam.

 

Adam, Eve and the Serpent

I wondered if the Adam and Eve story somehow was related to Ayahuasca and other hallucinogenic plants?

Does 'The Fall of Man" refer to an inner or mental process where man, for purposes of education, was fooled into looking outwards, at the amazingly pretty pictures and visions that the 'Snake' manufactured?

Could the story of Genesis be describing the process using symbology, whereby animal man was transformed over time to modern man?

Was the introduction of the snake (ayahuasca) crucial to this plan, this play?

Is the development of man, a robot like creature, a kind of half machine, half-animal anomaly in nature, a sort of bio-robot, a vehicle whereby consciousness could see itself, realize itself?

The Snake, the old Serpent, Satan, Lucifer could all be used to describe Ayahuasca.

Satan after all, being an 'Angel' would no doubt have been instrumental to Gods wishes - if you subscribe to such imagery.

Look at it this way, every word that I am writing is only possible because of the development of man's mind.

Was this human mental development caused by hallucinogenic plants?

Was there a purpose to this unnatural development?

Was all this known then?

Is all this happening now?

Are we all destined to realize this?

Are there any clues?

 

The Cave Paintings - Markers by Our Ancestors?

Going back to our ape ancestors, the cave paintings and the work of Graham Hancock in his book SuperNatural is a must read. Though the book is entirely steeped in things that can be seen, it does make some good points.

From the cave paintings, it seems that our ape like ancestors were on something - the paintings are nothing like anything that one sees in the real world, but very much like the things one sees while on hallucinogenic substances.

An intriguing painting that is seen on several caves is of the dying man - he seems pierced in several places. It seems to me that our ancestors were attempting to communicate something to us: that the process drains life force, it kills us. The cave paintings seem to be markers that our Ancestors made for our benefit, for our education.

My view is that the abstract or cognitive world that we have built, as distinct from the natural world, is the result of the mind altering substances. By this means a collective 'human mind' comes into being by diverting life force into mind-stuff. Over time, as more and more life force is thus 'diverted' towards this mind-stuff, it becomes stronger, and the mind-stuff becomes more physical to us.

Ayahuasca is sometimes called the Serpent, like the one that tempted Eve or enlightened Adam. The Serpent is thought to have brought Light to the World, that replaced the darkness that was before. In the caves it is pitch dark, and I would imagine that the visions our ancestors saw were multi-coloured and bright, visions that would have contrasted sharply with the darkness. Our ape Ancestors were probably hooked on seeing more and more of these visions, and the associated fears and desires, even though the experience took away their life force and killed them.

In esoteric books, Lucifer, the Light Bearer, is considered the light of the world, who brought knowledge and learning to the world.

Credit should be given where credit is due.

 

The Play is the Thing

As Hamlet says. Is it all a kind of life play, where we are the actors, the audience and the director?

Is all this is happening at the same time - now?

The play would have started a long time ago in linear time. When I don't know, but the cave paintings of around 40,000 years are a clue that it was being 'played' then, at the dawn of modern man when he seems to have stepped apart from animal world.

It is still playing now, and likely will continue to play until all have awaken.

In this case I was the actor, the audience and from a perspective that I can't comprehend or explain, I directed the play.

Though this 'play' was specific to me as it connected my life and my background, I hope that it will help you on your way.

 

What is the Purpose of The Play?

My view is that there cannot not be a play. Maya, illusion, 'the Play' is needed to realize that there is something, which is not a thing because it is real, something that is not of this world. You would not know this were it not for the play.

I could be bound in a Nutshell and count myself King of Infinite Space, were it not that I had bad dreams

The Play is the thing wherein we'll catch the conscience of the King

as Hamlet put it.

That something, this 'Conscience of the King', this 'King of Infinite Space', is the awareness, the consciousness that is behind the eyes that are reading this and the mind that is decoding it.

It is this 'something' that we need to 'catch'.

You would not know this 'something' if not for the dreams that we are subject to.

We have 'bad dreams' while sleeping, awake or while under the influence of Ayahuasca.